Vacation is amazing, so vacationing with friends should be all that much more fun, right?
Yes!! (.....and sometimes No).
If you don't prepare and set the groundwork, a vacation with friends could go from "Best Trip EVER" to "The Trip That Never Ended" in the drip of an ice cream cone. Don't give up yet! I've jotted down a few tips and tricks that we have learned the hard way throughout the years.
When my husband and I were first married, we giddily planned a few adventures with friends with visions of relaxation and laughter in mind. While the trips were fun, we quickly learned that by day 3 we had had our "fill" of our vacation buddies and would drudge through the following days trying to find excuses to go our separate ways. We figured we just had different interests and it wasn't worth politely trying to re-align our expectations with our friend's expectations.
Once we had kids, we decided to try a vacation with close friends who also had kids. We had more in common and knew that the similar ages of the kids would put us on about the same schedule, so how could it be anything but great? It really was so much fun having built-in buddies for our kids to play with and the shared experiences made for some great memories. But time and again on the trip, we ended up somewhat frustrated that our valuable time (and money) was frittered away on mis-matched expectations.
Despite how long you've known someone, or how well you think you know them, nothing can spoil a trip as quickly as opposite expectations. A few years further into our "Friend-cation" experiences we planned a trip to an amusement park. We had learned at this point that we needed to at least gauge where the other family stood in terms of trip expectations when it came to how the trip would go. We had never experienced this amusement park with kids, so we wanted to hit each attraction. Our friends assured us that they too loved to see as much as they could, so we left it at that. Two days into the trip we felt beholden to staying at the hotel pool instead of heading out to another attraction, simply because that's what they wanted to do. This happened quite a bit on this trip, and while we did have a blast, my husband and I talked the whole way home about how we were going to be up-front and honest in planning our next trip with friends.
We learned that one important step we can take to set ourselves up for a great vacation is to have a pre-trip "pow-wow" where we nail down each family's expectations for the trip.
Our "planning dinners" are actually a lot of fun because we're all excitedly dreaming of the adventures we're going to have. We know that we're doing this out of the spirit of protecting our friendship and setting real expectations.
Below is a list of topics we try to nail down prior to each trip:
Below is a list of topics we try to nail down prior to each trip:
1. Dates and Duration
This seems like a no-brainer. You set the date, make sure it works for all of you and go, right? Well, yes...and no. We've had many trips where 7 days seemed like they would perfect, but after three we were ready to be done. When you're planning your trip, keep these things in mind:
1. How much of these friends can you REALLY handle? I know, I know, you're BFFS...you could go days without separating at the hip. Or could you? Everyone has "quirks" and fetishes and we've found it's helpful to get a few of those out in the open before you're stuck in tight quarters for days at a time. One friend made sure to tell us his "strange quirk" of needing to have all of the sand swept up off of the floor each night before bed. It may seem strange, but knowing this made the vacation better simply because we could all take a turn with sweeping, which made him enjoy the trip all the more...and helped us all laugh about it instead of getting irritated with each other.
2. What can you do at this location? Are there enough options to go out and experience the culture of your location? If it rains every day, will you still want to be at that location?
3. How much of your vacation will be spent getting to your destination (and getting home)? If you only have 7 days and it takes 2 to get there (and 2 to get home), is 3 days there really worth it?
2. Vacation style - Adventure or Relaxation?
Everyone has a different idea of what a vacation should be. When we were first married, every trip was an opportunity to squeeze as much fun into each moment. If we weren't exploring, we felt like we were wasting precious time. A trip with friends early in our marriage was a complete frustration because we constantly felt guilty leaving for excursions while they stayed back to chill at the pool. Now that we're older (and more sleep-deprived), we still love adventure, but a mandatory day or two of complete relaxation needs to be scheduled into the trip.
Make sure you ask your "trip-mates" what their vacation style is and plan accordingly. If you're an adventure seeker and they're a "lay all day (every day) by the pool" kind of family, try to find a way to meet in the middle. Maybe your trip has a built-in day or two of adventuring together and then a few days apart, meeting back to fill each other in on your experiences over dinner.
3. Budget - Get the most bang for your buck or save up to splurge!
Guys, this one has nearly killed friendships for us. Nothing is more frustrating -or stressful on your own marriage- than breaking the budget on constant unforeseen expenses. It could be as simple as constantly running to the grocery store to get silly add-ons or going out to dinner at places that break the bank. Be upfront and honest before you even start the planning process with what your budget is and how much you're willing to spend. Are you planning to share the grocery bill? Then make sure you set an amount and be firm. Will you be walking or sharing a taxi? How much do you both think should be spent on tips? Will you pay for parking in the city or park outside the limits and walk in to save money? My husband and I always set a budget and then secretly build in an additional $100-$200 for unforeseen expenses.
4. Food - Make the meals yourself or eat out?
We have friends that are ninjas in the kitchen. The husband is a guru when it comes to the grill and the wife knows all of the healthiest side dishes. We know when we vacation with them, we'll only want to be eating in for most of our meals. If you choose to do a lot of eating in, make sure you divvy up the workload so the vacation is enjoyable for everyone. We've finally figured out a strategy for meal-time work. My friend's husband does all the meat and main dish prep, my friend and I do the side-dishes, and My husband does all the dishes. This way, we all share the work and reap the rewards!
If you plan to eat out, be sure you talk about how much you're willing to spend.
5. Family Boundaries -
This is another biggie. Our family is pretty close-knit ...and slightly introverted. We view vacations as opportunities to grow closer and experience new adventures together. We love going on vacations with friends and family, but we have learned that we need pockets of time alone together to recharge. This could be as simple as a 30-minute car ride to town alone together, or a whole day where we take off and just build memories alone together. Our first few trips with other families proved frustrating simply because we felt we had to be with them all the time. It's wise to sit down in your planning stage and map out how much time you'll need as "breaks" from each other.
Vacationing with friends can bring so much more fun to any trip, but before you book that amazing adventure with your new BFF's, set a dinner date to wade through all of the details. I think the biggest lesson we've learned through our years of vacationing with friends and family is to be vocal. Don't assume others will know your vacation expectations...or that you'll know theirs. Your vacation (and your friendships) might just be saved by this very simple part of the planning.
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