The Daily Grind...

I’m done. 

I’ve had it.

And with these words, I throw my hands up and either launch into a tirade about why life isn’t fair, or I recede to my room and flop on the bed (only to be interrupted by my 4-year-old minutes later asking if I can fix his lego creation.  Go ask your father, kiddo.).

I tend to do this often enough that my older children – and husband- know to give me about 30 minutes alone before I slink back into family life humbly issuing apologies as needed.

But a few months ago it felt different.  It felt bone-weary and lonely.  It was a slow realization that the heaviness wasn’t temporary, but a new way of life…a life I didn't want.

It wasn't my husband or children.  They are the bright spots in my day offering comic relief and much-needed bear hugs.  It wasn’t my cosy home, with the multiple unfinished projects.  It wasn’t my physical body, lately I’ve actually been at peace with my appearance. 

It was the heaviness with which I would wake each morning as I realized that I already knew the battles of the day before they unfolded: Rush to get my devotions done; push through a workout; encourage my children to eat a little faster and dress a little more efficiently; blindly kiss my husband good-bye so I could finish blow-drying my hair…..the days would finish as hurriedly as they began, and then I would force myself to stay awake for at least one hour so my husband and I could have a little time together- not talking, of course, just existing in the same space, trying to unwind from the whirlwind of our daily grind.  And that is what it truly was: our daily grind. 

Doesn’t it get any better?  Was this all there was to life?

My husband suggested that we start a home improvement project together, to give us focus and direction.  This was a great idea.  But, ugh, I was SO TIRED that I didn’t want to think about sanding another chair.

My best friend- who was going through this same stage with me and struggled just a fiercely- believed that that was just what life was.  That we needed to suffer through it and try to hold onto small moments of joy along the way.  But, UGH!, I was so tired!

And so, I grabbed a cookie (yes, I tend to eat my feelings!) and I sat down to read my Bible to see if I could grasp any direction from God.  He was silent.  But then He nudged me to type my feelings and tell others what was really going on in my life.  That the picture-perfect veneer I was holding up was cracking.  That, just like them, some days I struggle and cry inside, hoping that someone will say, “hey, I’m feeling this struggle too”.  
So this is me being "real" with you.  This is my acknowledgment of the every day struggle.   If you feeling this way, then please, grab a cookie off of the cooling rack and sit down with me.  Tell me what’s “heavy” in your life.  Whether it's frustration over yet another power struggle with your teenager or the guilt you have over secretly dreading playing yet another game of Memory with your preschooler, I’d be honored to listen and commiserate.  Because sometimes when I open up and risk being "real" with a friend who is willing to listen, something magical happens.  I'm able to look at the problem in a whole new way and experience a lightness that isn't possible if I hold the problem inside.
Go grab a cookie...let's chat!